Today is officially the day that I am unemployed.

Yes, that's right.

I AM UNEMPLOYED.

I recently resigned from my work as a Recruitment Admin Assistant. I decided that Admin work does not suit me... or so I think.

I realized that I have to pursue something that wouldn't make me want to drag myself to work. So I followed the advice of many friends and family. And of course, Chandler's and Joey's. I plunge on and acquired "The FEAR".

For all the Non-FRIENDS lovers out there, I'm talking about the episode when Rachel quit her job as a waitress to pursue a career in Fashion. Yes, I am basing my decision on a sitcom.

But seriously, since I'm no longer happy with my job, I decided to take things in my own hands. I don't want to wake up one morning and realize that I have given my life away for a job that I hate and can't leave because I have to pay the bills and get my children to college.

So right now, I'm enjoying my free time. The moment I woke up, I started redecorating my room. It pays that my furniture comes with wheels. So no heavy lifting happened, only heavy pushing.

So for now, I'm relaxing. I need to look for a job of course. I'm waiting for a call right now. But I don't have too much hope for that one. I do hope they pick me but if they don't, I should just move along and do my thing.

Later, I'm making a list on what I want to accomplish from my new found freedom :D

This Type Love by Saul Williams

I want a love like, me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love.... Or... me telling my friends more than I`ve ever admitted to myself about how i feel about you type love.. Or... hating how jealous you are, but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love Or... seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name And...sh't... I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage.. See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep, then wonder if she`s dreaming about us being in love type love.. Or... who loves the other more or, what`s she doing at this exact moment or, slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good can hurt so much when she`s not there, man..... Sh't, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.... And check this... I want to place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love.. And not have enough ink in my pen to write all the things I love about her type love... And hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel type love.. And I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kinda love type love.. Only difference is this is one of those real love type loves... And just like in high school, I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying sh't... And then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and smell her all up in my covers type love.. And I want to try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the middle just so i can start over again... And I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries...even though they aint really anniversaries, but doing it cause it only makes her happy type love..... And check this... I want to fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her numbers dialed into it type love, then talk to you until I lose my breath.....she leaves me breathless, but with expanding my lungs I.. inhale all of her back into me...  I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer cause in all honesty....I wanna avoid one a them high cell phone bills type love.. And I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are..I mean the lines on my palms don`t give me enough time to love you as long as I`d like to type love... And I want a love that makes me stu-stu-stu-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love.. And I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair..............well maybe not all of it..maybe like I cut the split ends and trim my mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.... I kinda feel comfortable now...so I even be fantasing about walking out on the green light, just dying to get hit by a car just so I can lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and, somehow meet up again with you and fall in love with you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type love........ I want a love that is unexplainable as she is, but im married, so shes gonna be the one i share this love with.

..I'd go gay.


Not because he left me, but because I really want to.

All you have to do is jump over the moon.
-Maureen.

I get tired most of the time.

I usually start something but end up not finishing it. Because I get tired. Not just physically tired, but emotionally drained.

I started collecting stuff for my scrapbook but never actually doing it. I started collectiong Paulo Coelho books but never really got the money to do so. I started investing my time and money on photography but ended up having my cameras stuck at home.

I wish I could do more. Well, not even more--maybe just finishing something could be a good start. 

Lawrence and I went to Subic today. We finally fulfilled atleast three of our fantasies. 1) to go on a roadtrip, 2) to have a go on a zip line and 3) to try out the new SCT Expressway.

We decided to go to Subic despite the very comforting idea of going to Tagaytay because Lawrence is obsessed with expressways. He really likes long open roads. And when we got our chance, he persuaded we go to Subic just to try out the new expressway.

When we got to Subic we don't really know what we're suppose to do. We know that Ocean Adventure is there but we're not really into seeing dolphins at the moment. Besides, both of us already had a chance to see those dolphins when we had field trips in highschool.

So we came across Extreme Adventures. They have a Slide for Life activity area. Since we both haven't experience any zip lining, we decided to go for it.

One thing you should know about me is that I am a control freak. I broke down on an airplane when we were going to Thailand because I have a fear that it will crash. I don't go on roller coasters especially space shuttles for the fear of being killed/thrown overboard. I fear these because I am not in control of anything whenever I am in an airplane or roller coaster. I have to put my trust in the people who controls the machine... and I don't easily trust people.

So zip lining is not really my thing. I have no fear of heights. I can go mountain climbing or wall climbing because no matter how high it gets, I have control of my actions. But in zip lining, I have to rely on my harness, the rope and the people who controls the activity area. That's it. I can't rely on me.

There were three stations. After the first station, I wanted to go back. But Lawrence encouraged me that I can do finish what we started. So teary-eyed, I plunged to the unknown and screamed my heart out.

I was still crying when I finished the three stations. But by the time Lawrence finished his stations (he was behind me), he quickly praised me for doing so well and comforted me.

Lessons I've learned: I should try to let go from time to time to enjoy life. :) And with a little encouragement and comforting, I know I can do it.

Yes. Pessimism has taken a hold of me once again.

I guess this is because 2008 is ending. Well, the dreaded year finally ends. I wish it wouldn't pass on its bad luck to 2009. With all the fights, drama and breakdowns I had to deal with, I don't think I can take anymore next year.

Oddly, Law and I are still together. Even when things were falling apart in other parts of my life, my lovelife is still intact. Yes, it's a shaky lovelife with its ups and downs. But he's still here.

I asked him if he would ever trade me for his first love (the one he can't have). And he says "no". He always says "no". But being Lorey, I still don't trust that "no". Because in my mind I'm waiting for "us" to fall apart.

I look back at all the couples who were with us when we became a couple. Some of them have gone their separate ways. And I always wonder when will be our time's up.

I just need to wait for three more years. Maybe I can only be sure of me and Lawrence when the I'm up at the altar saying "I do" while he says "I do too".

1. Law is currently in Pampanga. He's a trainer for Xbox for 10straight days. Hmmm... I won't be seeing him anytime soon.

2. Trouble in paradise.

3. Mandatory Christmas party. The mandatory thing took out all the excitement I have for tonight's christmas party. I'm thinking I will go home early.

4. No OT next week but all tasks should be completed before the week ends. Compliance report.... dum dum dum DUM!

1. The road to success is a long one. One should not rush.

2. My greatest downfall is the "instant mentality". When I want something, I want to get it instantly. I should learn patience.

3. Love takes time.

4. Eternity is too long. Must live in the 'now'.

1. When I was little I wanted to be a maid, astronaut, singer, doctor and scientist. But really, I pictured myself driving my car with a mug of coffee sitting on the dashboard, talking on a client/boss on the cellphone (speakerphone mode) while my laptop is sitting on the passenger seat giving me the necessary information I need.

2. If I do something (clean my room for example), I need to do it continuously. If I take a break (to eat lunch or something) I wouldn't get it done. I would feel tired and lazy after the break.

3. Today is my off. I'm looking for work around the house.